Friday, November 23, 2007
#9 jealousy
So im curious my little sexual malcontents, how jealous do you feel you are? Yea, in any part of your life or sexually? recently i have encountered a lot of jealousy from people who i definately did not expect it from. Im wondering if jealousy is tied into genetics somehow and i just never got that gene. what are your thoughts?
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3 comments:
It would depend on the situation. I really need to love someone a lot to be jealous of them. And in order for me to get jealous I need to see them with someone else.
i never thought i was prone to jealousy, but I have generally been pretty secure in what i know are my strengths and my place in the world.
jealousy is about fear--fear of inadequacy, of loss of status, of not being valued--it's not an inevitable reaction to an external stimulus; it's a psychological reaction to fear. (that's my latest theory, at least!)
Interpersonal jealousy is new to me, and when it happened, i felt mean and ugly, mentally and physically--and embarrassed, because i knew i wasn't reacting logically. i knew the person involved is much more attractive, more desirable, more fun in ways--that made it easy to briefly question whether i was replaceable, question my value and place. But that was about me being stupid and weak--being jealous--and i hope those involved know i'm sorry and hope it didn't do any damage in any part of the equation. (Is it better to say "my bad" or mea culpa?)
when i really start thinking about it, as i have a few times lately, i realize i had an undercurrent of professional jealousy for years b/c of people who i knew were "less worthy" (ego alert!) that were getting "better" positions. I didn't do the required ego-stroking of the decision-makers, I guess. But i found my own niche, and it really wasn't a big deal at that time. i was doing something i loved, and i knew that few people could do it as well as i could; i found a way to affirm my value & status, so the professional jealousy was a mosquito bite on my psyche, not a cancerous growth.
here's the thing i've been wondering: is the experience of jealousy slightly different between genders? If we accept the theories that say men are by nature competing against other men for territory & possession--including females--then is jealousy for men about "losing" in a different way? and maybe it is not part of your makeup b/c you are so completely wired as "alpha male" that even if you lose in some situation, you know all the other ways you have won and will win? Not sure I buy this, btw--just play with ideas.
Jealous? who me? Its the hardest emotions to admit. You may even never say that you are. You just let everyone else around you find out by acting irrational and stupid. Its noting anyone ever wants to feel. I guess it depends on how you treat your significant other. Do you really love them for who they are? Or are the kids and the security of the person keeping you together? People need to really think about how much they know about the person or people they love. Its a very important part of the equation of not being jealous. This is a lesson I have learned just recently . I hope this is one I will never forget!
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